My Little Nest

It's been ages since I updated, I know. It's been all over. hecticity came to visit, and I'm getting ready to be in a friend's wedding, which I don't think will make it that far, but...

I'm going to be going to a poetry slam next week and reading, and April 19-26th I'll be going to see Adam Pascal in concert. Sounds like everything's been fantastic, right?

Yeah, i wish. Nothing's been wrong per se, I just had a major crash, so I'm probably seeing this as far more dark than I should, but a lot of stuff just seems to be going to smash. Granny's becoming neurotic about my weight and pressuring me to get this for the wedding so all of my "lumps and rolls" don't show.

And of course, mid-crash I binged today...and now I really want to relapse. My stupid logic definitely is not helping, since you need to be under a certain BMI to be considered anorectic, and most of the physical symptoms I don't have. (The absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles, body weight below 85% of what is expected.) and otherwise, according to most doctors (at least around here) it's a phase. And St. Catherine of Siena was sainted because she refused to eat, it was taken to be religious at the time.

Bad idea, really bad idea, but really incredibly tempting. I am also stressing over the fact that I can't find my Neon Ballroom CD, because one can only listen to 4st. 7lb. so many times on repeat (thank Circe for Youtube). I know, bad bad bad.... Wasted is sitting on my dresser. I haven't touched it yet, but I really haven't stopped thinking about reading it again. Even a really long nap didn't help.

I so suck.

Being ED-NOS sucks. MAkign people worry about you sucks, because then you feel all guilty. Not having insurance that will cover therapy, and too scared too suggest it otherwise? REALLY REALLY sucks. Stupid major medical.

Okay, shutting up now.

Yay! I found the Youtube vid! *shares*

Okay, so I went up to Ship last weekend, which was brilliant even if it wasn't quite long enough of a stay. Vagina Monologues went well, except for the one night when I actually smoked a fag because I was in so much pain and April actually let me. But, anyway, I got to spend some much needed time with Roomie and everyone.

I bought fuzzy handcuffs ^.^

New desktop computer also, so yay.

Today Da and I met with the bloke from OVR about funding driving lessons and/our job and/or placement. I got to admit all my weaknesses to a complete stranger. You can tell how thrilled I was about that. >.<

Umm...writing and RP-ing is taking over my otherwise boring life, and ficathon is seriously trying to kill me or something. Want to know why? One of the prompts this week? Bloodletting. *headdesk*

Makes me wish hecticity was around, if for nothing but laughing over the irony of it.

irishbabe3110 Is trying to drag me back into the circuit more often...and I'm actually considering it. Someone slap me?

First off--muscle bioposies suck.

Second: My groupie says that I'm quite mad. My response? Of course I'm mad! Do you have any idea how bright and scary it is in there?

Thirdly: It is snowing. Therefore I'm fairly certain that there will be hunting tomorrow. This is a good thing, because else I'm not sure we'd have enough meat to get through the winter. (Of course, if we don't, it may make losing weight a bit easier.

Next: I have joined a genuis RPG for anyone who likes the femmeslash. It's Marauder-era. Basic plot? Due to the daughter of the Minister of Magic getting pregnant they have split Hogwarts into two, segregating the students in two different schools by gender. It seems like its going to be loads of fun but we need more people! Linky to the mod journal is here>> http://getoveritmod.greatestjournal.com/ (We could really use Puffs and Gryffs, but there are tons of characters up for grabs including Professors if anyone is into Kittyhawk as a ship!)

Finally a meme, ganked from axelia
Comment here and I'll tell you one thing that I like about you. Then go post it in your LJ and return the sentiment.

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted,
She got a Mercedes-Benz
She got a lot of pretty pretty boys
She calls friends

So, I had my driving evaluation today. Not brill, but not abysmal. apparently my depth perception is far from perfect, but I'm very visually oriented. The examiner was shocked that I don't really draw. Apparently he's intrigued that he cannot really put me in a category.

Like I haven't heard that before. Anyway, he thinks I should definitely have at least a few lessons. So, maybe I will drive after all.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
Pink champagne on ice,
And she said,
"We are all just prisoners here,
Of our own device"

Meds have...changed and now I've gained weight, not helped by the holiday foods (and meads and wine) around. The funny thing is, I thought I was starting to really not care as much. I hadn't read the ED bible in two months, I bought new clothes, I stopped checking to make sure my diet pills hadn't disappeared, and I hadn't listened to my inspiration playlist or added quotes to my book recently.

Ha, what a joke. I actually had myself fooled for a bit.

You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave.

On a slightly better not, I am absolutely loving www.lastfm.com. It's a musical social network thingy with friends and album cover collages and wicked things like that. I suggest everyone join and friend me. (bad_ailuros) Of course, probably no one will, but oh well.

Edit: My hippo has corrected me. The proper URL is www.last.fm so go join, people!

No...I still haven't gotten ahold of a scale. Damn drs.

But my good news is better than that! They think I might be able to leave on Sat.! They're still trying to figure out why my liver stopped eating itself, and they're trying to figure out the reccurence of arrhythmia but 'if all goes well' (in Dr. speak hat means 'if we don't screw any test up') I should get another EKG and EEG tonight or tommorow and be able to be released on Sat. (This is a lot sooner than expected!)

They're also talking about a pacemaker but thats not going to happen. Nope nope.

Arr... bloody hospital. This is the first pirate day I haven't gotten to wear me favourite bodice. Anyway, vote: savvy?

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

May the tideds grant ye all a short and merry life with loads f gold, adventure, wenches and a few close calls.

I've just dedcided I know a bit too much about pirates.

So, yay for computer lab time.

Boo for no scales that patients are allowed to use. Add to this that when I got processed they weighed me backwards! I can't handle this...I'm going mental--how am I supposed to know if my already excessive self is even more excessive.

I never did find my monkey. Zarathustra is still missing.

And the great long spaces of absolutely nothing to do are already getting to me--and I have been using my usual way. I think my nurses are starting to know the lyrics to some of my songs like Mary Mac, No Nay Never, and Johnny Jump Up simply due to my repetatie singing to break the evil silence. Thanks everybody for the comments! Please keep commenting so I have thing to read!

I am beyond upset at this point. I have to leave in about 12 minutes, and I can't find my monkey! My stuffed purple monkey that Giomannach (may he rest in peace) gave me!

That monkey has gone with me to ever major hospital stay since I got him and I need my Zarathustra!

...Give me a break, I was reading Nietzche when Giomannach gave him to me.

I need my monkey, damn it!

Oh and I got my learner's permit yesterday!

Meds suck. Especially when they change you up to a shot weekly and it makes you sick-ish for hours afterwards. After sleeping/being ill until 5:15-ish today I went upstairs, went home, and started to feel okay. Now, though? my head hurts like a bugger.

So? What am I doing? Sitting at Da's computer role-playing. I swear, my muses have taken over my mind and refuse to stay in their vault. Maybe this means I'm in one too many games? ...Nah.

Roz is the worst of the bunch though...she needs to switch to decaf.

And good news! The Squick Amber Challenge has been postponed so my squickfic (still untitled) won't be late.

Speaking of fic I really, really want axelia to finish her Seiya-Yaten-are-under-a-spell fic. Mainly becaise the idea is great, but also because Lexi rocks.

I made a new dress yesterday. 'Twas fun, I did it mostly by machine, but I broke down and did a bunch of rouching by hand. (It was a Beryl costume and they wanted it to not just be a boring straight dress, so I rouched the bodice.) I got $25.00 for it too. I had convinced myself that I was going to do one entire dress by machine, but alas and alack, I failed. I think I have too much fun sewing by hand.

I also finally managed to get the latest disc of my mix burned so I'm happy with that. The 4th is Granny's birthday so I'm racking my brain at what to get here. Of course, she's no help.

I hate this. princessstarr, sailormewmew, velvetbonsai, dreamgirl18, April, and everyone else from there are back at Ship and I am stuck here.

This royally blows. *sulks* I need some Busted to make me feel better. *prances off to YouTube* Helps, but this still sucks.

Why does my health have to suck so much? Everyone else is at college, being healthy, and I'm here. stuck somewhere between healthy and sick as hell.

Oh, and want to know what my new assignment is? Taking my groupie on and off the bus some days. Wow. Thrilling. I can hardly contain myself.

You know what? Fuck it. I'm done wishing. Order-girls, who has the sodding calendar for the circuit? I'm done sitting at home and sulking. I'm restless, and if I can't be with my friends at college then I'm going to party my sodding brains out here.

Where's my Rob Zombie? *prances off again* Better.

Sorcha, give me my earrings back! Micheal, get me on the calendar, Natalya, give me back my bloody Rammstein album.

I hate doctors. I know I've said it before but I really do. The idiots now want to send me up to Pittsburgh to have my heart looked at and stay in observation for a few weeks! Weeks, I ask you.

I ahve no desire whatsoever to stay in a hospital for two weeks, being poked, prodded, cut up, and tested in a city that's hundreds of miles away from my home. Thank you no!

Especially with doctors and nurses who don't know me, and long stints in recovery rooms with no TV, no music, no books, no pencil and paper, or anything wherewith I can entertain myself, while doctor's discreetly watch through one-way glass to make sure all goes well.

Now, I'd love to visit Pittsburgh, but not under those conditions. I'd like to go up, maybe see Laura and the rest of my friends who live near there, but just to be poked and prodded by some specialist? No sodding way!

My medical team (dunderheads that they are) can just kiss my lucky irish arse.

Sod them.