My Little Nest

It's been ages since I updated, I know. It's been all over. hecticity came to visit, and I'm getting ready to be in a friend's wedding, which I don't think will make it that far, but...

I'm going to be going to a poetry slam next week and reading, and April 19-26th I'll be going to see Adam Pascal in concert. Sounds like everything's been fantastic, right?

Yeah, i wish. Nothing's been wrong per se, I just had a major crash, so I'm probably seeing this as far more dark than I should, but a lot of stuff just seems to be going to smash. Granny's becoming neurotic about my weight and pressuring me to get this for the wedding so all of my "lumps and rolls" don't show.

And of course, mid-crash I binged today...and now I really want to relapse. My stupid logic definitely is not helping, since you need to be under a certain BMI to be considered anorectic, and most of the physical symptoms I don't have. (The absence of at least three consecutive menstrual cycles, body weight below 85% of what is expected.) and otherwise, according to most doctors (at least around here) it's a phase. And St. Catherine of Siena was sainted because she refused to eat, it was taken to be religious at the time.

Bad idea, really bad idea, but really incredibly tempting. I am also stressing over the fact that I can't find my Neon Ballroom CD, because one can only listen to 4st. 7lb. so many times on repeat (thank Circe for Youtube). I know, bad bad bad.... Wasted is sitting on my dresser. I haven't touched it yet, but I really haven't stopped thinking about reading it again. Even a really long nap didn't help.

I so suck.

Being ED-NOS sucks. MAkign people worry about you sucks, because then you feel all guilty. Not having insurance that will cover therapy, and too scared too suggest it otherwise? REALLY REALLY sucks. Stupid major medical.

Okay, shutting up now.

Yay! I found the Youtube vid! *shares*

I swear, one drama ends and another begins. I'm home and my meds are tapering off, which is great, but now another drama's begun. And roomie? I'm sorry I landed in the hospital before I could grammar nazi your paper.

So, new drama. Apparently the doppelganger tried (again) to commit suicide. Apparently her heart stopped twice on the way to the hospital and no one bu her dad knows where she is. Rose (her mum) is leaving Ben (her da) and she freaked, locked herself in her room and took half a bag of muscle relaxers.

I really don't know how to feel about this. We don't get along, she's told me she hates me, and the feelings usually mutual. My first fear was 'what's going to happen to me' as unfortunately, usually when one of us is majorly hurt (broken arm) the other one is affected (limping for no reason. I'm sort of scared of what might happen to me.

And if she does die, I don't know if I want to go to the funeral, because how creepy would that be, especially if it's open casket? And also, her family has the tendency to hang on me like a lost lamb, and if they were to lose her?

I don't know how to feel. Really, I just feel numb and a little oddly lonely.

Apparently I'm going to hell. This is according to three of my cousins who have been trying to convince me for the past--oh--two hours that I'm a horrible person because I forgot it was Holy Thursday.

Yeah, let's just forget everything else like the fact that I haven't been to church since Lent, that I'm technically no longer a member, the witchiness, my immense list of kinks, and I'm going to hell because I went to rehearsal on Holy Thursday (for an opera that's based on a story from the book of Judges) and that's why I'm going to Hell.

Grrr...yeah, so skipping church tonight. Someone cheer me up. Somehow, dealing with illogical family members always depresses me. (Not to mention that according to Exodus they should go to hell because of their witchiness.)

Think I can make up for it by watching The Boondock Saints in the morning and going tomorrow to hear the decadently morbid dark sad tale of Holy Friday?

Oh, well, if I'm going to hell anyway...*starts working on vamp!Blood/vamp!Fire fic*

What am I thinking? I know I'm a glutton for attention and love being on the stage, but why am I killing myself over trying to get Mon Coeur S'Ouvre A Ta Voix fperfect for an audition for Samson et Delila? I got over being in opera. I did, really. I know I'm a mezzo and that means if I were to get serious about it I'd be playing the witches, bitches and pants. So why am I getting neurotic about this? Gah... *headdesk*

Also: EVIL TWIN! HIPPO! WERE ARE YOU TWO? I MISS YOU! Come out come out wherever you are....Though you did that all ready didn't you?

ANNALISA we have to work on fic-ness! And also figure out where we're going with the Blood/Fire romance fic, y'know, if we're going to eventually get them to the funny scene we were dicussing the other day.

( Cut for the sake of those who have no desire to hear about anything magicky or otherwise pagan-y. )

So, today was the annual spend time with the sister bit. Her parents gave me this really nice jewellery and I don't know what I want to do with it. Anyone who has listen to me talk about jewellery knows that I have bitched about being unable to ind rubies (or at least ruby-like stones) set in silver. Well, they gave me a necklace an earring set, silver, with blood red stones. The problem is I hate them, and I don't want to acknowledge them and their gist at all.

But it's so shiny! I'm just...confused.

So, we did the usual shopping trip, and I indulged in retail therapy to make me feel better. It didn't really work.

I got:

Revolutionary GIrl Utena: The Rose Collection Box Set
Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans
Lolita
Waiting For Godot
The Compete Works of Flannery O'Conner
ROD: vol 2
Crime and Punishment
A bottle of dark purple nail polish
A thin leather collar with spikes and rhinestones
A cable hook for my knitting
A Max Factor lip gloss thing. (Shock, I know, it isn't my usual Rimmel standby.)


So, after going shopping and eating at Arby's sister, Da and went to see a movie. Black Christmas. It was good, but who in the bloody hell keeps paint thinner in their laundry room? I mean really!

Also, am thinking on dying my hair purple...anyone who knows good brands or shades should let me know.

On another topic, thre have been quite a few of the old order-Girls trying to get me too come to the usual Order New Years soiree. I kind of want to go, and I almost said yes--I actually aked Da when Jessie offered to take me down and bring me back on he motorcycle, but Da thought there might be drinking and didn't realise that Jessie refuses to drik since her baby brother was klled by a drunk driver.

i told him this, and now he's okay with the idea, but I think the girls have given up. maybe it's for the best.

Yesh, I m well aware I haven't posted in awhile and I apologise. Nothing much going on, really. Although anyone who wants to call me between 3:00 and....8:30? Saturday would be welcome since I have to go see the doppelganger. >.< Yes, it's that time of year where I have to suffer through twin-sisterly togetherness.

Too bad I can't get really bleeding drunk beforehand. It might make it a bit more bearable.

So, Holidays went well, happily. Except for havinto sit through several church services and a girl butchering O Holy Night, but that's to be expected.

So from theimmediate family I recieved:
Final Fantasy XII
Aida Original Broadway Cast Recording
Les Miserables Original Broadway Cast Recording
Jekyll & Hyde Original Broadway Cast Recording
Sheet music for Wicked
Wicked (the book)
Two WWF beanies
$50.00
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Pirates Dice game (from PotC 2)
Cookies
Goldfish crackers
A singing frog plushie thing
a stuffed reindeer
A whole bunch of toiletries

So, all in all, yayness!

...And I really ought be sleeping

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted,
She got a Mercedes-Benz
She got a lot of pretty pretty boys
She calls friends

So, I had my driving evaluation today. Not brill, but not abysmal. apparently my depth perception is far from perfect, but I'm very visually oriented. The examiner was shocked that I don't really draw. Apparently he's intrigued that he cannot really put me in a category.

Like I haven't heard that before. Anyway, he thinks I should definitely have at least a few lessons. So, maybe I will drive after all.

Mirrors on the ceiling,
Pink champagne on ice,
And she said,
"We are all just prisoners here,
Of our own device"

Meds have...changed and now I've gained weight, not helped by the holiday foods (and meads and wine) around. The funny thing is, I thought I was starting to really not care as much. I hadn't read the ED bible in two months, I bought new clothes, I stopped checking to make sure my diet pills hadn't disappeared, and I hadn't listened to my inspiration playlist or added quotes to my book recently.

Ha, what a joke. I actually had myself fooled for a bit.

You can check out any time you like,
But you can never leave.

On a slightly better not, I am absolutely loving www.lastfm.com. It's a musical social network thingy with friends and album cover collages and wicked things like that. I suggest everyone join and friend me. (bad_ailuros) Of course, probably no one will, but oh well.

Edit: My hippo has corrected me. The proper URL is www.last.fm so go join, people!

Happy Yule everybuddy!

Mine has been...tiring...so far. The kids are running around begging for presents, everyone else is binging on sweet bread, honey cakes and cookies while constantly offering me some.

I have a love/hate relationship with holiday foods. Add to this the fact that I'm trying to get everything set up for tonight and you have a very cranky me.

Bad news? I have to wait until Sunday to open my pressies just because the bloody preacher might be coming over Sunday afternoon!

Pppbbttt on the stupid 'wait until Sunday' rule. Everyone else gets to open their pressies tonight!

Oh goodie. The ickle kiddies are leaving. Maybe now I can get some prep work done.

I really have to remember to call my chovihnni tonight. I keep forgetting and the 18th was her 82nd birthday.

Warning: Car-Girl-ness ahead

Da got a new (read: used) truck today! He likes used ones because it means it takes less time to kill them. (Not kidding--you should see the lemons he ends up with when he's done with them.)

Anyway, truck! Gorgeous, really. 2002 Ford F-150 Triton, Extended Cab, 5 speed, 8 ft. bed, V.8 engine, and it's either, depending on whether you ask me or Granny, a brilliant blood red or candy-apple red. (Three guesses who said what and the first two don't count!) Of course, if you ask Da, it's red. It also has a CD player (Woohoo!) and best of all...

They changed the configuration under the hood so that one can actually get to the fun bits that make it go without tearing the thing half to Hades! *Celebrates* Not that I really minded all that much...except when the fan belt broke on a coz's 1997 F-150 and I used a pair of pantyhose to get us to the nearest auto parts store and home...

So yay!
/car-girl-ness>

On another subject, hecticity needs to get online so we can work on our wonderfully dark, snarky, and yet romantic Morag/Draco story. I want to write more of it....*whinges* it's fun.

Also, what is with FanFiction.net? Dedalus Diggle has fic posted about him but there's not a single fic about Morag? What the bloody hell, people?

Okay, F-List. I just got off the phone with my dear Aunt Branwen--who called to tell me that when I'm abroad next week...(yay boats!) she'll be giving me my Yule present early, which would be great...except...

She's giving me a pair of gold bonding rings. Poesy ones at that! Okay, first of all, I never wear gold (which she knows) it just doesn't happen.

For those of you who don't know, bonding rings used to be used as wedding rings or to symbolise year-long handfastings. Nowadays some Fam. Trad. families still use them as promise rings, wedding bands, engagement rings, etc.

So...what is the point of giving me bonding rings when I don't have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, or even that many friends? The logic, I ask you...

So, I (politely) suggested this to Aunt Branwen, who told me that, and I quote, "True love comes when you least expect it"

Uh huh...thank you, Yoda.

And then she suggested I needed to stop pining after Giomannach. Yeah, Hullo? Not pining. I am in no way pining for him. It was almost five years ago. Geez. Make me some weepy Lady of Shallot why don'tcha.

So, getting given bonding rings with no romantic entanglements on the horizon--completely pointless or is Aunt Branwen right?

So anyway, the weekend was great. Sat. we went to both the Fall Festival at the church and Uncle Scott's Harvest Moon Party.

I went as a witch in this pretty crushed velvet dress. I wanted to go as a kitty but I wasn't allowed too. So, yes, I went as a witch. (And this is different from the other 364 days how?)

Sun. We went up to Shippensburg to see Aunt M. I hadn't called ahead because last week when I did that I didn't get to go and all my excitement was for naught.

So at 9:30 I walk up to Harley only to get there and find out that it was Fall Break. Translation: No one there.

Bah humbug.

Habanera will be the death of me. I have Once Upon A Dream stuck in my head. That is all.

My life is a fucking roller coaster I swear. One day its up and the next its in the pits, and waving to all the nice fishys on the way down.

*headdesk*

I am in so much sodding trouble at the moment. A certain family member walked into my nice dungeon bedroom (without knocking) while I was on the phone with a friend, and before I realised she was there I said something along the lines of 'committing the cardinal sin of consumption.' Of course, she runs back upstairs to get me in trouble.

Yeah... I'm feeling just a bit homicidal at the moment toward her. And this was after a great weekend of Renn Faire and truck shopping. So I was banned from the computer for a bit.

What the bloody hell? This is fair? In what world do I get punished for being honest while my darling cousin gets congratulated for barging into my room without knocking? Y'know what? Sod it. I'm tired of relapsing while I'm fighting years of habits.

And soon? Medical tests. Loads of them. Shiny needles and lotsa wires and machines that beep more annoyingly than an alarm clock.

So just to try to improve my mood I present a music meme stolen from sailormewmew, teknoboy, and princessstarr

( Life in Music )

Meds suck. Especially when they change you up to a shot weekly and it makes you sick-ish for hours afterwards. After sleeping/being ill until 5:15-ish today I went upstairs, went home, and started to feel okay. Now, though? my head hurts like a bugger.

So? What am I doing? Sitting at Da's computer role-playing. I swear, my muses have taken over my mind and refuse to stay in their vault. Maybe this means I'm in one too many games? ...Nah.

Roz is the worst of the bunch though...she needs to switch to decaf.

And good news! The Squick Amber Challenge has been postponed so my squickfic (still untitled) won't be late.

Speaking of fic I really, really want axelia to finish her Seiya-Yaten-are-under-a-spell fic. Mainly becaise the idea is great, but also because Lexi rocks.

I made a new dress yesterday. 'Twas fun, I did it mostly by machine, but I broke down and did a bunch of rouching by hand. (It was a Beryl costume and they wanted it to not just be a boring straight dress, so I rouched the bodice.) I got $25.00 for it too. I had convinced myself that I was going to do one entire dress by machine, but alas and alack, I failed. I think I have too much fun sewing by hand.

I also finally managed to get the latest disc of my mix burned so I'm happy with that. The 4th is Granny's birthday so I'm racking my brain at what to get here. Of course, she's no help.

So, I was actually going to go to church today, being that it was going to be outside and I thought it would be bloody hilarious to hear everyone try to sing a capella, but I felt like shite when I woke up this morning, so I skived off.

Good news? it got cancelled due to weather anyway, so I didn't miss a prime mocking oppurtunity after all.

Also good news: I've learned/gotten a program to make icons! Yayness.

News I'm not sure how to feel about: My half-sister Chrissy called me today and told me that she had her baby last Sunday....six months early.

My first thought was oh shite, that baby died, it's impossible for it to have lived, it's heart wouldn't be able to sustain it and the lungs would be unable to take in the oxygen needed. Second thought: I probably should feel bad for her. Third thought: But the kid's better off, especially with her smoking (and I'm fairly certain) toking up.

Me: "Uh...I don't know what to say. *half-hearted chuckle*
Chrissy: Oh my god! You sounded just like Becky right there!
Me: *death glare at phone* Really?
Chrissy: That's exactly what she said, with the same laugh and everything.
Me: (Thinking: don't snap, don't snap, don't snap) Well, what can one say.
Chrissy: Yeah, but sometimes you two are such twins.
Me: *death glare intensifies* Ah.
Chrissy: When are you coming to see me again?
Me: Um...I don't know...
Chrissy: Oh, okay, well call me when you can! *click*

She really didn'tsound all that broken up for someone that had their 2nd (maybe 3rd) miscarriage/stillborn. Or maybe I'm just used to dealing with people like Petra and Trinity who are despondant when that happens. Maybe it's just further proof that I'm a bad person that I couldn't feel bad for her.

However, Da agreed with me and said that until she gets herself together and fixes her life she should keep losing them. Needless to say I was shocked at his, but I guess he's had to deal with so much me being born on drugs and alcohol that he abhors anyone else going through that. Plus, I really don't think Chrissy would make a good mum. She needs to grow up a bit more. But I shall bite my tongue and not tell her these things.

Okay Brit people, I know your tendency for jumping on planes randomly for vasrious trips. And I also realise that I'm being paranoid and worrying over nothing, but still, you people read this thing, so please, comment and tell me you're okay.

Please

Clarissa, Edmund, Ewan, Aislinn, Charlotte, Kat, Emmeline, Loki, Desmind, Devlin and everybody else~~This means you!

And any of my Order-girls whoi happen to be over there as well. I'm trying my hardest not to worry.

So I've spent most of the day trying to get my laptop back up to speed. It's actually quite irritating, at the moment. I can't get my Firefox to work, the latest version of Quicktime to download, and without that cannot get Trillian to work. I also can't get AIM to install either, which means I'll have to get on Da's computer yet again to tag with anyone tonight.

I also have figured out that I have tons of music. I have been working on burning my CDs to the computer, and it's almost unbelieveable how many CDs I have just here at Da's, and not even counting the Covenstead. Am I being greedy to think that I don't have enough yet? Or does it just show that I'm a total music addict?

EDIT: How in hades name did 'Sheryl Crow and Friends Live in Central Park' get into my music collection? Anyone? Deirdre? Clarissa?

I also pent three hours with Da, at the empty church, helping him replace light bulbs in the light fixtures. Not fun, but I feel like I haven't been spending any time with Da lately, so I went. Well--that and I needed to get out of the house.

Is it bad that I knew every answer to the Jeopardy! category 'Girls Gone Wilde' about Oscar Wilde's work? Oh well. It's just too bad I haven't been keeping tabs tonight.

Yvie called tonight and insisted I watch Most Haunted tonight. I don't know what she's going on about, she knows I either watch it Fri. nights or Sat. mornings, unless there's an emergency or something, but I assured her I would. (After I razzed her about her frequent freak-outs, of course!)

For a rather normal day I have learned some things.

01. If you get thrown off of a horse and hurt your wrist it's probably a good idea to leave the ACE bandage on after only one day.

02. If your one of Ana or Coe's girls, or a freak who has been both, recovery sucks
**02.1 Also, your insurance premuim will increase because obviously you're certifiable.
**02.2 You will also be labelled some weird amalgamation known as ED-NOS for life, because you don't fit in any nice little pigeonholes.
**02.3 Recovery makes you very sleepy

03. Dehydration headaches are not pleasant things. I had known this before, but somehow I had quite forgotten.

04. Buzz can pick me up and take me to the Covenstead without me suggesting such a thing.

05. One hr. game trials are not long enough.

06. RPGs like N_N can be addicting and keep you from writing other stories you've been planning for months.

I think I just had one of the best birthdays ever.

April came down to visit me on Tuesday and then came up with the brilliant idea to kidnap me for a few days to get me the hell out of Dodge. I was so grateful. So I ran downstairs, threw some clothes into an overnight bag, and we got out of there.

April's family is wicked. I had a great time. April and I went and played pool the first night, and we're both about just as bad as each other. Wed. we went to the mall and I met her friend/ex-roomie Sam and we went to a mall. It was so much fun ven though my wallet had fallen out of my bag and I didn't have any $ with me at the mall... April was good enough to budge me up enouhg to get a blouse and a yummy frozen coffee. Then we went back to Sam's and then to April's where we ate Domino's (yet another thing I had never had that I apparently had too) and watched Saw II. Thurs. morning I spent with her mum and dad talking about books and guns until her dad had to go to a meeting. It was fun and they gave me some more books. Books make me happy. ^.^

Then April's mum and I went to the thrift store which was nifty. It was huge it was like three thrift shops in one.

It was fun. April and I headed back after she got a shower and the family fun time at the Covenstead was well...family fun time. Buzz's mystery present was hidden in her room...v. obviously I might add, and was a snake goddess statue.

I think Granny thought it was ugly. I on the other hand was like *squee* snake goddess!

Yeah...I'm weird.

And I am going to go now...because I'm amusing myself by teasing Fayth

I'm such a bitch

And I think Fayth would agreee at this point

Well, Da's birthday went well and he liked his present, so that's good. Not much going on in life right now, though I did get to the mall for a bit to get stuff from GNC and we stopped in FYE and Da bought me My Summer of Love (even though he has no idea what it's about) for my birthday. Now I just have to wait the three weeks until my birthday.

And no matter what kill_macewan says I am not that bloody hard to shop for! (Especially he gets me the same thing every year!) That aside, though,the days seem to be passing rather slow.

But, the main reason for posting this entry was to thank missafaery13 for giving me one of the best movie recs I've gotten in a long time and rave about said movie.
Imagine You and Me is a great movie. It centres around Piper Perabo (Coyote Ugly) who catches sight of the florist for her wedding while walking down the aisle, and the two click instantly in a love-at-first-sight type of way. (Did I mention the florist was a girl? No? Well she is.) There's no way I'm going to give away the rest of it, but I have to mention one other thing. Anthony Head (Giles from BtVS) is Piper's dad, and he gives a great performance--even down to the silly, drunken, wedding reception dancing. This was a fantastic movie. (Yay for the dyke flicks) [Or bi chick flicks] as
fir_tree_baby is bound to comment angrily if I don't stick that in...
Okay, I'm done raving.

This is what happens when one of my lovely Scottish cousins reads my journal and decides to fix my insomnia...by calling me up at 3:00 am and singing me an old ballad. Not sleep, oh no...a Luna/Ginny fic.
( Dead Ends )